As an executive coach I have the privilege to work with senior leaders on the problems and concerns that keep them up at night and weigh on their minds. For many of them, it’s not always about their day-to-day work, but about how they are managing their whole selves and the eco-system of their lives.
One theme that consistently emerges via their own narratives, and supported by the behavioral assessments I use, is their lack of attention, time, and care for their “social connections” – specifically, their support network. Some people refer to this as the Inner Circle, Personal Board of Directors, Circle of Influence, or, as Brene Brown describes it, your Tribe. This is a group where you don’t have to work to fit in, but where you truly, fully, wholly belong. The group who fully accepts us, as we are, and allows us to fully, authentically be ourselves – quirks, fears, joys, vulnerabilities, and all.
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” – Brené Brown
Your Inner Circle is generally five (or less) people, and this community helps care for your most essential human needs. Needs that are essential for mental health and wellness. If you haven’t reviewed the status of your own Circle, let’s do that now by filling in the blanks below with the names of your “people”:
- When I need someone who will just listen:
- When I need someone who will give good advice:
- When I need someone who will hold me accountable:
- When I need a little positivity in my life:
- When I need a boost to my motivation:
How’d you do?
When these blanks are truly…well…blank you are left operating in an echo chamber. Leadership can be a lonely, isolating place, with few trusted peers, and only a handful of people who are motivated to help you succeed without their own agenda. There are even less people who will be bluntly, constructively honest in the interest of helping you realize your full, most positive potential.
A major part of being successful AND balanced are our relationships and sense of connectedness. While we all have countless surface interactions every day, it’s the meaningful, honest, interpersonal ones that set us up for success. That is the true value of your trusted Inner Circle.
