The title of this article includes one of the most powerful words in my personal vocabulary. I know it might seem like a passive, filler word to many people. For others, possibly poor grammar. But for me, it says so much more than simply And.
The first time I realized the power of this word was in the months after my first-born son passed away. Grief had gripped my body in a way that felt all consuming, dark, dangerous. Until we decided to try to have another baby. A terrifying prospect, after your child has died unexpectedly, with no discernable cause of death (SUDC). But, in that conversation, I felt something shift inside me. A glimmer of…hope? Could it be? Is it even possible to experience grief AND hope at the same time?
The short answer is: Yes.
That hope morphed into joy as we welcomed our son into the world, just one week before the anniversary of his brother’s passing. Here was the next lightbulb. The joy of this new life was tempered by the fear of loss, but it wasn’t a matter of choosing one over the other. Rather, they co-existed and somehow enhanced each other.
The And allows us to value, honor the complication of what seems like simultaneous conflicting emotions. The And shows us there is a place in the middle where they meet and agree to work together to elevate our level of appreciation. Because how can we ever recognize the “good” without having a “bad” for comparison, or to help us reflect on our own journey?
I share this today, as we enter a season often punctuated by opposing emotions (does it really have to be “the most wonderful time of the year?”), in a world that is enveloped in conflict. We are constantly pressured by a society mired down in dualism to respond with either/or decisions instead of engaging in both/and dialogues.
My encouragement is to look for the middle ground and recognize the dependencies rather than the conflicts between opposite emotions, perspectives, opinions. In Buddhism this is referred to as The Middle Path. While you might not be able to influence others, this approach might help you find that gratitude can be balanced by sorrow, and anger with love.
Remember as you enter year-end celebrations that everyone is carrying their own story, walking their own path. Find your own Middle Path, in the hopes that you can light the way for others.
