Why do we feel compelled to water the lemons down with sugar? To gloss over an event that might be disappointing, heartbreaking, difficult with niceties, head nods, artificial smiles all under the guise of acceptance?
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Yuck. No.
First, I personally do not like lemonade. However, I do love lemons. Both literally and figuratively. Beautiful, complex, multi-purpose, sweet and bitter. Transformative.
Why do we feel compelled to water that magic down with sugar? To gloss over an event that might be disappointing, heartbreaking, difficult with niceties, head nods, artificial smiles all under the guise of acceptance?
I’m a firm believer that while you cannot control what life throws at you, you do have the power to decide how you respond and react. Several of the articles I found while writing today’s article, who also have an issue with the lemon/lemonade proverb, offered surprising and somewhat disconcerting advice. Two of the primary themes were to either “throw back” the lemons and tell life you don’t want them. I wonder how that works? While self-advocacy and confidence are vital to our success as humans, I’m not sure about the practicality of this advice. It’s also a highly catabolic response, that welcomes in a lot of negative energy and almost gives permission to wallow in anger and blame.
Another advice thread relates to, at its core, denial. One article suggested that if you ignore real lemons they will eventually rot away, while others suggested you simply walk away and not deal with it and move on. Again, the idea of slowing down long enough to deescalate and take a deep breath hold a lot of value. However, drawn-out denial isn’t healthy, and you will have to eventually face the issue (lemon) so why not face it on your own terms?
I would like to suggest another approach. Make the lemons truly useful. In the literal lemon sense (or, should I say…scents?) they are magical. Armed with a lemon, you can make everything from vinegar/lemon household cleanser to citrus body scrub, to insect repellant, and so much more. (for a list of 33 ideas, click here)
Figurately, the life-lemons that come our way tend to be unwelcome at first glance, but they often open to introspection and life examination. In all my years as a manager, leader, and HR executive I’ve had to displace hundreds of people, including myself. And 99.9% have reported back to me 12-18 months after losing their once coveted job that it was the best-worst day of their career. That after the initial shock, anger, and disbelief – along with a surprising sense of relief – they took a deep breath and looked both upward and inward. They were ready to do “the work.”
Because this is where the work lives and all these folks were ready to do the work. This is where you decide to take the lemon and give it a purpose. Instead of uttering, “It’s fine” through gritted teeth and a fake smile, you actually roll up your sleeves and create something new, different, useful. Focus your attention on YOU and invest in maximizing the resource of you. Everyone I reconnected with at least one year after losing their jobs, either through choice or displacement, all shared how taking the time to do this self-work resulted in renewal. How did it manifest? Reconnecting with friends, family, a passion unrealized. Pursuit of a degree or certification. In some cases, a new career path, or even starting a business. But the key word is RENEWAL.
The next time you’re handed some unexpected, possibly unwelcome lemons, what will you create?
