Setting boundaries is an act of love toward yourself and an act of respect toward others.
Boundaries. For many of you, the headline above might suggest the answer must be an “either/or” as opposed to “both/and.” There are no right or wrong answers on this question. It is truly a matter of perspective, personal and professional needs, bandwidth, motivation, and drivers.
I’ll share a saying about boundaries that really resonates with me:
Setting boundaries is an act of love toward yourself and an act of respect toward others.
First, let’s define “boundaries.” In the most simple form, they are the rules we create for ourselves within all our relationships. They help us determine where the line is between what is, and is not, acceptable. In setting and maintaining boundaries, there exists the rule of Four Cs:
Consciousness – Being aware of our unique thoughts, emotions, feelings, values, and environments
Clarity – Understanding the different kinds of relationships we have in our personal and professional lives
Communication – How we communicate our boundaries – the what and why – sets the foundation for having them understood and respected
Commitment – Committing to our boundaries means we can identify when a boundary must be upheld, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable
So, why are boundaries so hard to set and maintain? Might it be that we often view them as a way to protect ourselves, therefore, keeping someone or something else out? How does that feel? Pretty icky at certain times, right? Unless there is a burning need for self-protection (think: narcissistic family member) why do we set boundaries?
What if we flipped the lens to instead consider them as enablers of our vision and strategies? That barriers become more of a filtration tool, or a set of criteria to be used when considering how, when, where and why you spend your time? AND, how you are asking others to spend their time with you.
When viewed through this lens, boundaries are two-way streets where we are balancing our own needs with the needs of others. The art behind setting boundaries is ensuring they are respectful, healthy, and balanced. Because it’s not about winning or losing – it’s about respect.
