When is the last time you asked yourself: Who am I when no one’s watching? Why is our relationship with ourselves often the most neglected relationship in our lives?
“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” – May Sarton
Last week I accepted a challenge. A Solitude Challenge. Specifically, a challenge to embrace solitude for seven days, and journal about it using lightly guided activities and prompts. For an extroverted introvert like me, it seemed like low-hanging fruit. Of course, I would accept this challenge, no problem! I’ve always found my alone time rejuvenating, energizing and necessary. However, I’ve never taken a mindful approach to observing and inspecting myself while in my solitude. Interesting, right?
The root question at the heart of this challenge: Who are you when no one is watching? In the freedom of solitude, what and who is your core, true self? Because, while we nurture external relationships, and know those make us stronger, more resilient, and connected, we often neglect the relationship with ourselves. That relationship can only sustain so much neglect until it begins to negatively impact other areas of our lives.
Right out the gate I was instructed to be curious, non-judgmental, or critical of myself. And to be honest in my daily observations and journaled reflections. Since this was a independent activity, and it was only me holding myself accountable, I found a certain permission to be raw and authentic. Over the course of the week, I chipped away at the questions of who I was when all of society’s norms, expectations, and peering eyes are removed.
While some of the assignments were focused and tactical, like a personal SWOT analysis, others were truly observation based. A day of gathering data about how I was feeling mentally and physically, my default behaviors and emotions throughout the day, whether my mind wandered and where it wandered to, and what triggered various emotional responses proved to be shockingly informative about my own energy levels over the course of any given day. Another day I observed myself almost as a third party – and discovered I have some goofy quirks, like talking to my dogs in various accents and celebrity voices, and distracting habits like tapping my feet incessantly. I also realized just how frequently I check my phone, e-mail, social media. Yuck. It disrupts my mental flow throughout the day and detracts from meaningful conversations with myself and others.
The challenge ended today, and my first order of business is a bit of a digital detox to help cultivate deeper connections and be more present in my activities and relationships. I also realized my positive, high-energy time of the day is between 6:30 am – 2:00 pm, despite a belief that I was a night-owl. Just those bits of awareness made the seven-day challenge worthwhile. But more than that I confirmed I enjoy my own company, silly habits, and all. And that, while I spend a lot of time alone, I am rarely lonely.
I turn the question to you: Who are you when no one’s watching?
