“Grief festers in the dark, hidden away. When we shine a light on it, it transforms into something beautiful. Healing, grace, vulnerability and joy.”
“What is SUDC, and why am I seeing this on LinkedIn?” There is a good chance that question crossed your mind. It would have crossed mine prior to January 26, 2011. That is the morning my son, Connor, never woke up. He went to sleep the previous night a happy, healthy 15 ½ month-old kid who had just started walking, saying “Momma” and “kitty cat,” and had a head-thrown-back laugh that was brilliant enough to power electricity. As of today, March 1, 2022, I still have no idea how he died. What I do know is his death altered the course of my life and career in amazing, unexpected ways – and continues to every day.
Prior to January 26, I was a Human Resources executive on a steep upward trajectory in a large financial services company. I dropped my son off at daycare at 6:30 am and was regularly still at the office until 6:30 pm. Weekends were golden because they were the only time I truly got to devote to my son and family. However, even on the weekends I was distracted and distanced due to pressures from work. In my mind, I was indispensable and the work I was involved was changing the world.
Life truly is what happens while we’re busy making plans. Or, in my case, death.
After three weeks of funeral planning, a flood of flowers, cards, visitors, and then the deafening silence of our empty home, I returned to work. I re-entered my once-familiar corporate world as an alien. The work was now meaningless to me, and I was frightening to my peers and team…this woman who was deeply grieving her son who died with no explanation. My presence made people uncomfortable, and I found it difficult to care. I had lost my “tribe.”
One of my new rocks in the center of this storm was the SUDC Foundation. The Universe is a mysterious, magical place that finds a way to position people in our paths at exactly the right time. News of a beautiful little boy in St. Louis, MO who never woke up, combined with our amazing pediatrician who had awareness of SUDC, quickly connected me with the leadership of the SUDC Foundation. Within 24 hours my husband and I were in touch with other SUDC families, their research project, and their trove of bereavement resources.
Today the SUDC Foundation continues to grow as awareness and acknowledgement of SUDC expands. I am now involved as a peer mentor and an advocate. This year the Governor of my state declared March as SUDC Awareness month for our entire state. We are making great progress in the field of research as well, which gives me a spark of hope that somehow another child might survive thanks to Connor’s participation in SUDC’s research project.
Back to “Why is this on my LinkedIn feed?”
Because chances are, if you are a working professional, you have been directly or indirectly touched by someone who experienced the death of a child. It might not have been SUDC. It could be an adult child, an infant, a long terms illness. Bereavement and grief defy categorization. Many of us hide our grief to make everyone else more comfortable. My question is simply this: Why?
Let’s crack open the conversation. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Heck, I’m a bereaved mom and I still find it uncomfortable. But, grief festers in the dark, hidden away. When we shine a light on it, it transforms into something beautiful. Healing, grace, vulnerability and joy.
As a leader, I finally found my new footing at work when I decided to open up the curtains of my grief and let the light – and other people – shine in. I was honest about the tough days, learned to shake the guilt when there were great days, and discovered freedom in vulnerability. I still talk about my beautiful Connor because his life and death created the person I am today. It’s why I now devote my time and practice to helping others who might be struggling to find their footing in grief.
You are not alone.
Please, take a minute to learn more about SUDC, and maybe become one of our advocates! #SUDCawareness
