The alchemy of grief

In the midst of change, upheaval, and uncertainty, it’s easy to become self-critical and not give ourselves the level of compassion we might give others. As we emerge from a global pandemic, and are exposed on a daily – sometimes hourly – basis to news of #TheGreatResignation, supply chain shortages, rising inflation, a devastating war in Ukraine, political turmoil, and so much more, it is imperative that we lean into the practice of self-compassion, and compassion towards others. Here’s why.

Author and psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan wrote a book titled, “Healing Through the Dark Emotions” after her own, personal loss. Her choice of title fascinates me. Rather than categorize harder emotions like fear, grief, unwanted change as bad or negative, she mindfully chose dark. It removes the stigma of judgement and failure and, instead, lets them simply be.

Dark emotions evokes, for me, a sense of quiet, safety, gentle rest. A place where uncertainty, fear and grief can do it’s transformative work, much like dark, rich, nutrient laden soil nurtures a seedling until it’s ready to sprout.

During that transformative work, the alchemy creates unexpected gifts. The gift of enhanced gratitude because it is only through change and loss that we learn to appreciate all we have been given. The gift of vulnerability that opens our heart to unrealized, small joys. And, the gift of analyzing, examining, recreating our life systems of meaning and creating something new and powerful.

The key is to be patient. Let grief do its work. Breathe. Observe. Explore. Sit with it. Transformation is quietly happening on the inside.

Gradually, a a door will crack open. A glimmer of light will find its way through the broken places. The seedling of new hope, possibility and promise will sprout.

Gently step through, embrace this new, unfinished vision. It is yours to mold and create. And remember, a wise person once said, “Happiness doesn’t create gratitude, gratitude creates happiness.”