Our relentless drive for perfectionism is killing our playful spirit of innovation and creativity, rather than allowing us to realize, as Einstein said, “Creativity is intelligence having fun!” When did we stop having fun? I know when I did, and I can spot it when it’s happening in others. It’s called burnout.
Last night my son had his first swim meet of the summer season. Summer swim team, for those of us who enjoy swimming, is an incredibly fun bonding experience and sport. Even if you swim competitively year-round, summer swim teams are designed to allow kids to have fun in their sport while also having fun with their friends. Let me restate that: they are designed for FUN.
At the meet, I volunteered to be a timekeeper, which means I managed the stopwatch and start/finish times for a designated lane, for each swimmer in that lane, for all events. This role gave me a unique “underground” view into the behaviors of not only the swimmers, their teammates, and coaches, but their parents as well. I was warned in advance that some of the parents might be a little intense. The caution caught me off-guard. Intense? Come on, this is summer swim season!
The warning was not 100% incorrect. Most of the parents were incredibly supportive and cheered on all swimmers from both teams. Which is how it should be. But what broke my heart, were the parents of some of the very best swimmers. Kids who clearly work hard in this sport all year. Kids who normally don’t get to share their sport with their buddies. I was astonished when the mother of one of top teenage boys, who blew his competition out of the water, berated her son after his event for not beating his personal best time. Yet another parent pushed a timekeeper out of the way as he was monitoring his own stopwatch, and potentially compromised our official time record. I heard another parent inform her son they were leaving the meet immediately since she didn’t feel he was there to do his very best, so it was a waste of everyone’s time.
Heartbreaking.
Yet, it made me reflect on my own professional experiences. Once upon a time, I loved my corporate job. I was surrounded by interesting people engaged in stimulating work. We were allowed to be innovative, creative, and were encouraged to challenge the status quo. It was easy and fun to excel in that environment, until I became successful. Possibly too successful. Behind closed doors we joked about being too good at your job, since the only reward was more work – with no incentive, support, or relief.
Suddenly I was known as someone who got stuff done. That is the kiss of death for someone who loves to ideate, connect, and brainstorm. It’s a recipe for burnout for a perfectionist like me.
I was operating outside my wheelhouse, with the burden of expectations. No longer was it enough to be creative, full of ideas, armed with information and research, while still being a bit quirky. I was actually penalized for caring too much about my team, for being too human. All the things that made me successful were now working against me. Of course, as a relentless perfectionist who could easily log a 60-hour work week, I was still successful because machine-like production was the expectation. And I was a shell of my former self. When the burnout train hit me, escape was my only option. So, I walked away from the job I had once adored.
This brings me back to the summer swim teams, and the kids who just want to have fun. In particular, the kids who are truly excellent swimmers. Why can’t we parents remember that our kids only became great swimmers because they loved it? In our push for perfection, we effectively kill their spirit, and make them dread that which they loved most.
What will it take for our society to realize that being good is enough? That being good is great.
