They lost everything in a devastating fire…but what did they gain? Grief: Heartbreak, sorrow, anguish, suffering. A deep sadness especially for the loss of someone or something loved. (Merriam-Webster)
In October of 2017 wildfires ravages Northern California, including Sonoma County, also known as “wine country” in America. Over 250 wildfires raged for several weeks, wiping out entire communities in a matter of hours – sometimes less.
During this time, my primary client group was located in California, with many living in the Sonoma region in their “forever” homes. Homes they had worked for decades to afford and build. Homes that represented a dream realized.
One of my favorite clients (yes, I had favorites!) barely escaped the fast-moving path of the fire that devasted his neighborhood. His family, two dogs, and one car survived with only the clothes on their backs, and many kind friends who opened their homes for the next several months.
In coaching conversations with this client, he expressed his eternal gratitude for his and his family’s lives, but also a very deep sense of sorrow and loss. His sense of shame for grieving over “stuff” prevented him from expressing it more openly, and his sense of isolation was growing every day.
The more we discussed his grief, it became clear the sorrow was much deeper. The fire engulfed family photo albums dating back generations, including hand-written captions and stories. The recipe box belonging to his wife’s great-grandmother. The dreams of future Thanksgivings and holidays celebrated with family in the home they designed together.
Through sharing these losses and beginning to freely express his sense of sadness, this client also started to share hopes for the future. Ideas about how, when and where to rebuild. A new project to interview family members to capture and document family stories. A commitment to remember ad try out all the lost recipes A new commitment to family time.
Grief is not the sole domain of death. Grief is the outward expression of loss. Loss of someone or something, whether it be a marriage, a job, a best friend, a key piece of our identity.
Loss and grief are inevitable. But through open communication, and allowing it to move through us, we can also allow it to change us, build a new reality and find out who we want to be on the other side.
