How often have you heard people joke about simply “faking it until you make it?” In its most true definition, the phrase is meant to imply that by imitating confidence, competence, and a leadership mindset, a person can realize those qualities in their real life and achieve the results they seek.
Unfortunately, the reality is far different, and the results can be disastrous.
It is important to note, this is different from acting “as if” – a tool used to combat social anxiety – which is grounded in truth and reality. When you act “as if” you are simply quieting the gremlin in your head that is trying to tell you the room is going to heckle you, or you will mysteriously freeze up while engaging with a senior leader. You can quiet the gremlin by acting “as if” you are confident you will succeed. This strategy does require tapping into your mindsets of self-efficacy and self-confidence.
Faking it is more about bluster, and artificial confidence. Faking it leans into style vs. substance. It can be downright dangerous, illegal, and unethical if your role requires technical skills and knowledge. (Remember the Netflix series Inventing Anna, based on fake heiress Anna Sorokin?) And let’s face it. It’s a slippery slope. Where do you draw the line between faking it and lying? Is this approach honest, sustainable, or healthy? Does this behavior align with your core values?
Eventually you become too accustomed to faking it rather than stepping into your own knowledge and power. The lines get blurry between the real you and the persona you’ve created. And that is perhaps the most nefarious, long-term, toxic aspect of this approach. You stop believing in who you are, at your core. When you “make” it, is it you, or your persona? Are you simply an imposter (hello, Imposter Syndrome!)?
The more you rely on a “fake it until you make it” approach, the faster you will burn through your health, well-being, and energy. Why? Because it’s exhausting trying to be two people – especially when one isn’t real! It also limits your growth mindset, and openness to learning and personal development.
So, what’s the alternative? Cultivating true authentic confidence. How do you do that? Here are a few tips:
- Project confidence by leveraging simple strategies like standing up straight, making eye contact, and proactively greeting others.
- Remind yourself of your accomplishments and successes – you are here for a reason!
- Remember you aren’t alone! Everyone has been new to a meeting, a leadership role, a new job.
- Find or ask for a mentor. They’ve been in your shoes before and are now successful. Their guidance could be one of your most valuable resources.
- Give yourself grace – and set reasonable expectations for yourself.
